The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize