Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
