She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize