i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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