I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
