med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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