Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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