If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
