Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize