Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
