Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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