and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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