i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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