I'd wear matching sweaters with you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
