Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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