I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
