So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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