my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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