I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
