My balls are so social today.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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