O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
