Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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