SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
