So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
