i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
