How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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