dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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