We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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