Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
