This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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