Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
