he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
