I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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