Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
