we're blogging at a bar
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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