What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i out mim tonsoeep
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