i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
