Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
