Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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