I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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