Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
