Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize