What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
