May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
