All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
