Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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