jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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