Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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