Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i out mim tonsoeep
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