Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
