why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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