Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm passing your future prison.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
