Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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