It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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