I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
