I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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