I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
